Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners

GRACE Abounding to the chief of Sinners: OR, A Brief Relation Of the exceeding mercy of God in Christ, to his poor Servant John Bunyan.

IN this my relation of the merciful working of God upon my Soul, it will not be amiss, if in the first place I do in a few words give you a hint of my pedegree, and manner of bringing up; that thereby the goodness and bounty of God towards me, ◊ay be the more advanced and magnified before ◊he sons of men.

2. For my descent then, it was, as is well known ◊y many, of a low and inconsiderable generation; ◊y fathers house being of that rank that is mean◊st, and most despised of all the families in the ◊and. Wherefore I have not here, as others, to p. 2boast of Noble blood, or of a High-born state according to the flesh: though all things considered, I magnifie the Heavenly Majesty, for that by thi◊ door he brought me into this world, to partake o◊ the Grace and Life that is in Christ by the Gospel.

3. But yet notwithstanding the meanness and inconsiderableness of my Parents, it pleased God to put it into their heart, to put me to School, to learn both to Read and Write; the which I also attained, according to the rate of other poor mens children, though to my shame I con◊ess, I did soo◊ loose that little I learnt, and that even almost utterly, and that long before the Lord did work hi◊ gracious work of conversion upon my Soul.

4. As for my own natural life, for the time that I was without God in the world, it was, indeed, acco◊ding to the course of this world, and the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience: it was my delight to be taken captive by the Devil at his will, being filled with all unrighteousness; the which did also so strongly work, and put forth it self, both in my heart and life, and tha◊ f◊om a childe, that I had but few Equals, (especially considering my yea◊s, which were tender (being few) both for cu◊sing, swearing, lying and blaspheming the holy Name of God.

5. Yea, so setled and rooted was I in thes◊ things, that they became as a second Nature to me; the which, as I also have with soberness considered since, did so offend the Lord, that even i◊ my childhood he did scare and affright me wit◊ fearful dreams, and did terrifie me with dreadfu◊ visions. For often, after I had spent this and th◊ other day in sin, I have in my bed been greatly a◊ flicted, while asleep, with the apprehensions o◊ Devils, and wicked spirits, who still, as I the◊ thought, laboured to draw me away with them p. 3of which I could never be rid. Also I should at ◊hese years be g◊eatly afflicted and troubled with ◊he thoughts of the day of Judgement, and that ◊oth night and day, and should tremble at the ◊houghts of the fearful torments of Hell-fire; still ◊earing that it would be my lot to be found at last ◊mongst those Devils and Hellish Fiends, who are ◊here bound down with the chains and bonds of eternal da◊kn◊ss.

p. 36. These things, I say, when I was but a childe, did so distress my Soul, that when in the midst of my many sports and childish vanities, amidst my ◊ain companions, I was often much cast down and afflicted in my mind therewith; yet could I not let go my sins: yea, I was so overcome with despair of life and heaven, that then I should often wish, either that there had been no Hell, or that I had been a Devil; supposing they were onely tormentors; that if it must needs be, that I indeed went thither, I might be rather a tormentor, then ◊ormented my self.

7. A while after, these terrible dreams did leave me, which also I soon forgot; for my pleasures did quickly cut off the remembrance of them, as if they had never been, wherefore with more greediness, according to the strength of Nature, I did still let loose the reins to my lusts, and delighted in all ◊ransgression against the Law of God: so that until ◊ came to the state of marriage, I was the very ring-◊eader of all the Youth that kept me company, in◊o all manner of vice and ungodliness.

8. Yea, such prevalency had the lusts and fruits of the flesh, in this poor Soul of mine, that had not ◊ miracle of precious grace prevented, I had not onely perished by the stroke of eternal Justice, but ◊ad also laid my self open even to the stroke of those ◊aws, which bring some to disgrace and open p. 4shame before the face of the wo◊ld.

9. In these days the thoughts of Religion wa◊ very grievous to me; I could neither endure it m◊ self, nor that any other should: so that when I hav◊ but seen some read in those books that concerned Chistian piety, it would be as it we◊e a p◊ison to me. T◊en I said unto God, Depart from me, for I desire not the knowledge of thy ways, Job 21.14, 15. 〈…〉 was now void of all good consideration; Heave◊ and Hell were both out of sight and minde; an◊ as for Saving and Damning, they were least in my thoughts. O Lord, thou knowest my life, and my way◊ were not hid f◊om thee.

10. Yet this I well remember, that though 〈…〉 could my self sin with greatest delight and ease, and also take pleasure in the vileness of my companions; yet even then, if I have at any time seen wicked things by those that professed goodness, i◊ would make my spirit tremble. As once above al◊ the rest, when I was in my heighth of vanity, ye◊ hearing one to swear that was reckoned for a relious man, it had so great a stroke upon my spirit, as it made my heart to ake.